Monday, March 4, 2013

In the Memory of My Mother..


It's amazing how mothers remember everything related to their children. On my birthday, wedding anniversaries and other important dates, my Mum was always the first person to call and wish me. I loved calling her up on special days like her birthday or Mother's Day besides the usual everyday calls. However this year March 3 came and went without any such special phone calls. It was her birthday and I missed her so much, words cannot convey!

I went through the texts in my cell phone, my last text to her when she was very ill was,

"I love you so much Mom, May you get well soon"


which my bhabi read to her because she wasn't alert enough to attend phone calls or read texts.
I think of my last conversation with her, her last words to me were,

"Take good care of your kids!"

I had not in my worst of worst nightmares imagined that I wouldn't be able to hear her voice again, or that the above words would be her last.

It's been over two months now, at times I'm so busy and caught up in life and kids that I forget about it for a bit, escaping into this oblivion is so helpful! But there remains a feeling of gloom, no matter how hard I try I can't escape it. I pray more and more for her, it gives me some relief but only a temporary respite! The feeling of loss returns, ten times stronger and believe me it's a feeling that makes me want to cry my heart out.

She kept appearing in my dreams continually in the first few weeks, now that has reduced to once a week maybe which makes me long for it! but when I do see her I miss her even more, it's a vicious cycle that has no end because when people die they never come back and I'm not getting my mum back till forever? it's seems too long a time and a certain disbelief sets in.

It happened all too quickly, and now when I think back to those days when she got sick, within five days, a perfectly healthy person with the routine age-related complaints which had never been life-threatening; falls ill, gets worse and dies! Mom passed away on the fifth day of her illness and I can still picture the scenes and can practically replay them in my mind like it was yesterday!

I can write till eternity about my Mother, she had so many friends, acquaintances and had touched so many lives unknowingly, we discovered after she was gone. When everybody who came to offer condolences mentioned what a happy and congenial person she had always been. Many things about her personality and habits that we had apparently missed out on became known to me after she left us, through various other people who praised her character and prayed for her Maghfirat.

Her beauty, strong character and congenial personality were acknowledged by everyone, she seemed to have established quite a fan base, my darling mother, it's just that we have a habit of taking people we have in our lives for granted.

So for those of you who are lucky enough to still have your Mothers and Fathers with you, Respect them, Love them, Appreciate their efforts and most importantly let them know that you do! May Allah keep our parents healthy, happy and bless them with long lives!

May Allah have abundant mercy on my Mother and grant her the highest place in Jannat-ul Firdous. Ameen!

This is a monologue but thanks to anyone who took out the time to read it!
Love
R
xoxo

P.S I was missing her too much and hence wrote this out for her <3

25 comments:

  1. Im really really sorry for your mom :'( May Allah rest her soul in piece ameen. I can understand your pain as i knw the value of mother, Im a single child and cant live even single second without my mama. Im really very sorry again dear rakhshan hope u will be ok and do pray a lot and lot may Allah gv her the place in heaven ameen.

    Do recite this as much as u can and Surah Mulk as well:

    Rabbigh Fir Warham Wa Anta Khairur Rahimeen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Faby<3 yes i've made a habit of reciting surah e Mulk after Zuhr namaz! xx

      Delete
  2. I feel like crying after reading this :'( INNa LILLAHI WA INNA ILAIHI RAAJEEooN.. !
    I don't know if I'm using the best words for condolence but Please take care of yourself. and BE STRONG. May ALLAH grant her Jannah. Keep praying for her.
    Also, take care of your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ameen! thank you so much Aimz, your words mean a lot <3

      Delete
  3. I can't imagine life without my mum, I can feel what you are going through, I am sorry for your loss, and the pain you are in.
    Mothers are precious, I will play to God that He provides you strength, until you meet you meet your mum again.
    May God give her the highest place in Jannat.

    ReplyDelete
  4. tears in my eyes while reading your post ... felt really SORRY for your great loss ... no words can soothe you or can calm you bt still hugs your way ...
    i can not imagine a life or world without my parents ... you need em more n more in each phase of your life no matter how old r u .. u need them when u r single ... bt u will need them more after getting married .. and u r def gonna need them the most after having a baby ...
    love love love my parents ...
    May Allah protect our parents from any harm.. Amen

    May Allah grant your Mother the highest place in Jannah and give you the strength to bear this loss... Amen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ameen! true, parents are irreplaceable and precious and we realize their true worth when we have children of our own! thank you hun<3

      Delete
  5. My heart broke into little pieces as I read this and I became misty eyed as I thought of you, my dear friend, going through all of this. I cannot imagine how difficult things must be without her there, but know that she is in a better place and is at peace. This is a beautifully dedicated post in her honour and memory. From your words, she sounds like the most amazing person who has touched so many lives. She leaves you and this world with only good thoughts and wonderful memories of her it seems, and thats something precious. May you be granted Sabr and understanding during this time and the strength to see it though. Big hugs to you babe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ameen! thank you Sam!<3 I hope and pray that she is very happy and at peace, cuz that is the only thought that gives me peace and sabr!

      Delete
  6. I have been praying for your mother ever since I came to know. I wish I could do something to make you feel better. For us, as the time passes, we start to act like our mothers and every time we do something like them, we actually know it and miss them so much. We talk to our kids in the same way as our mothers talked to us, is short as the time passes, there are more and more reasons and moments to miss that most loving creation of Allah! A tons of warm hugs to you and lots and lots of prayers for your mother! May she gets the best place in heaven. <3

    I have never met you or your mother in my life but for some reason, every time I read about her, I feel like she was close to me too. May be I feel this way because I am far away from my mother and I am scared to death to loose her EVER and every time someone calls me from Pakistan, I just pray that everything is all right!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ameen! thank you Sahrish<3
      you're so right, i have always dreaded getting the 'phone call or text' one day that would tell me something has happened to my mum or dad! hope Allah keeps all mothers and fathers safe and healthy!Ameen! xx

      Delete
  7. I have no words to say right now, just tears in my eyes after reading this post :'(
    ..May Allah Bless her with the highest rank in heaven, aameen!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can understand what you are going through. And, I am happy you write it all out. My words are so jumbled up, that at times I avoid talking about my father. I sometimes feel to write it out, but it seems I can not put them in words. No one can replace parents. Not even words of condolence help. What helps is the feeling, that they are in a better place.
    You are strong! Stay strong.*hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes it gives some relief to write it out and share! i dont know i just feel the need to talk about her, it helps! thank you Rabeeyah<3 *hugs*

      Delete
  9. There is no Limit of Love with parents, specially with Mother.Even NO WORDS can give us patience when we really miss her.
    May ALMIGHT ALLAH give her Jannah...aameen
    Stay blessed <3

    ReplyDelete
  10. nobody can take parents place ever ur lose is un recoverable !!! but I still want u to stay stronge and keep praying for her may Allah pak give u more sabaar Ameen. thanks for such lovely post xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am so sorry for your loss.May Allah grant her the highest place in jannat ul firdous.The intensity of your pain is reflecting in your words.I have tears in my eyes after reading this.Losing a mother is like losing a part of yourself...gone forever.That child-like feeling that you have inside just vanishes.I pray that may Allah give you patience and strength.May you do good deeds that would become sadqa-e-jaria for her.So that she smiles when she looks down upon you from heaven.May her soul rest in peace.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ameen! thank you Shehrzad<3 yes i have lost the most precious part of me and i wish i had cherished her this much while she was still alive!

    ReplyDelete
  13. life without mother is so difficult i can feel.. I dont have words to express my feelings right nw.. May Allah rest her soul in peace amin..
    I lost my ammi when I was in 7th standard.. In every walk of life i miss her, life is nothing without mum..those who have this relation plx respect your mothers n show them they are so important to u.. Love

    ReplyDelete
  14. I read this post on my bro's cell when I was recently at my Mom's place, good for me that after reading it all I not only hugged my Maa, dear there is no compensation for the loss of mother no one can do anything to repair such a great loss its like the source of ur being in this world is lost as she brought u in this world u r her little miracle by GOD. Dear this loss can not be repaired but just prayers for u and ur Mother may ALLAH bless her with the best place in heavens and May Allah provide sabar to u and the rest of the family...ameen. My prayers are with u always... See ur daughter ur mother will live through her... I know loved ones come back in new relations...

    ReplyDelete

Do share your thoughts and 'll be sure to get back to you here or on your blog!:)